Відео

Ma'am, you are on point...

Ok..he had his life...ummm its not up to you to entertain him...he needs to stop avting like a toddler....my mom is like that but i am not going to kill myself to serve her. I refuse to be a slave to her

In my country you can't just "call in a professional" because you need the senior person's consent.

Do you offer coaching?

Just hearing this has made me feel so much more relaxed calm and better able thank you ❤

I made a promise to my loved one to never lie and I will keep that promise even if it is easier to lie. I always answer as if was the first time it was asked.

My Dad left us as children with our Mother battling Lupus and severe panic disorder which left me to care for her at 7. Dad Rarely bought us Christmas or birthday gifts and never his grandchildren so my daughter asks why I do so much for him now that he's unable to care for himself. All I say is it has to be done but it's terrible he doesn't seem to appreciate it or offer more to help like gas money considering he's financially way better than me. He does say thank you but I'm sure it's to keep me coming back. Another problem is he refuses outside help his insurance would cover which agin is all about him and his mind is very sharp still. He's always been healthy and never faced adversity. I had 3 heart surgeries before I was 40 and im 49 now

Great topic-thanks, Sofia 💐

Although your video was produced 4 years ago, it is still the best and better than those created in last few years. Thanks for producing such quality video and it has helped many of us. Thanks again. 🙏🙏🙏

Thank you for the clear explanation! It really helped me!👍👍

Its called a second childhood for a reason, and its not all about rank dementia

Dear Sofia - Thank you very much for this video. I'd like to add a longer comment at a later stage. Just wanted to say the video is very helpful. Regards Debbie

Thank you, Sophia. Another timely reminder.

You never talked about Medicare Supplement Plans!

Give yourself grace. YOU KNOW that you're doing the best you can. Don't beat yourself up (because your parent might be verbally doing so) as you're doing the best you can. Even if that means hands off. 😘

Thank you.

Thank you🎉

Thank you, Bless you!

Let me guess, you own a assisted care facility or business

I’m sorry but I have to disagree with you regarding an executor or trustee. Make sure that your sitting down because I’m going to lay down some facts that you may not be aware of. At least 60% of what you mentioned doesn’t matter when there’s a bad trustee in charge. The courts do not punish the trustee for not following their instructions whether it’s a will, trust or both. If the trustee has not filed anything with the courts then the courts will not get involved. What you have to realize is that probate is not automatic and a trustee does not have to give any information or distribute any trust assets to the beneficiaries as a matter of fact the trustee can completely ignore the beneficiaries and keep everything to themselves. So as far as these fiduciary duties go they are just words that trustees can ignore because they already know that their will be no punishment brought against them. Trustees responsibilities are not what you describe them to be when you’re dealing with a bad trustee who doesn’t respect the principles last wishes in lieu of a will or trust

This is very informative, it gave me a lot more to consider and watch for. Thank you

It sucks being the immediate transport when the real transport should be picking them up. My old man wants to drive again knowing full well being told it is not safe for him to drive. He doesn't want to do the occupational. When he wants to go out, all he ever does go to damn walmart. I personally refuse to shop there, unless I pick up the order. It gets to the point where he wants to always go to that store, and it doesn't fit my schedule because I work overnight... I am not sure about any resources for anyone who has to look after a parent while trying to work. Unfortunately for me, I enjoyed driving OTR, but when the stroke happened, it has been scary considering what to do when something like that could happen again.

How Nice! ❤

Thank you Sofia, this was very helpful. I knew things were bad for you at home and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to help you.

Thank you for this helpful and timely information. I appreciate your insight from your lived experience.

I'm very negative and depressed looking after my dad is 80 he always depressed and talks about depressing stuffing really talking effect on my life, I wish at times he would just pass on so I can live my life I had enough of it I know that sounds bad but I gone to far.

my husband 100％ disability still available to qualify for this program?

Need a spread sheet pls 😊

I’m 24, and my mom is 67 with late stage Parkinson’s. My aunt/godmother won’t help beyond driving my mom to drs appointments a few times a year. The cherry on top is she went o get my mom diagnosed the same month as my 18th birthday. I never got to go to college. I don’t have a job, my entire day is used trying to help keep my mom safe during her dyskinesia, and get her things bc she cannot walk majority of the time. My aunt/god mother is her sister and the reason she isn’t there to help day in and day out is bc she is busy as a volunteer casa worker. She preaches about charitable she is, she so wealthy there is literally no gift we could get for her she doesn’t have one already that’s top of line, so for gift giving occasions, bc I’m too wealthy to want for anything doesn’t roll off the tongue, she asks for school supplies for “her kids” they aren’t her kids. She doesn’t not have biological children. She has endometriosis and lost that ability, so she had her husband disown his own biological daughter he has as a young adult. Why bc she changed her major and wasted my aunt Pattys husbands money. She’s a monster. I even begged her help when I was 19 I even said I think my mom is sick and has Parkinson’s bc I found Parkinson’s meds and and after visit summary. And my aunt the one who took her to get diagnosed lied to my face and said it’s just an essential tremor. Her offers for help are for us to clean her house for her, in exchange we can sell her garbage and stuff she was going to donate. Or we can do heavy labor intensive yard work and be forced to endure verbal abuse about what a failure I am, for 25$ an hour. Hell the therapy I’ll need after cost more than that.

I wish you could come and help my sister and i get mom to move. She wont. Even tho the doctor said she needs to. And we all know it would be healthier for her

“But I’m not gonna be here much longer.“ I hate this statement. Especially when it’s not true. My mom’s been saying that for at least the last 15 years and I’m only 35. She’s been here for a long time and I know that, because even I have been here for a long time. We’ve been around each other so long that we are sick of each other. I’m done with her manipulations, and she kept trying to control me for awhile, but now she doesn’t even care if I live or die. So yeah, next time someone says, “I’m not going to be here much longer” as an excuse to take advantage of me, I’m going to respond with, “well you’ve been here long enough.”

Thank you for explaining these terms! They’re easy to confuse because we hear them in the wrong context so often. Thanks again! 😊

My mom said hurtful things after I got married and left to live separately with my husband. She expected us to all live together. She continued to be harsh until she began to have symptoms of dementia. Now she's quiet and calm. I try to just forget the past and deal with the present, yet I do feel frustration and don't have that loving feeling of a child to her elder parent. I hold my feelings of anger when I have to act as a caregiver. I'm also exhausted for looking after my 3 children under age of 8 along with my full time job. I know my mom did so much for me and I'm grateful, she just never wanted me to leave her and felt I abandoned her when I left. Her harsh words come to me from time to time and as much as I want to forget they come back. She is now old and fraile and I want to feel peace and kindness and love like I did when I was a child. How can I not feel so angry and frustrated now that I have to take care of her?

Soooooooooooo helpful thank yooooou! 🙏🙏

What has been said to my family about me having to leave my home for years while I am raising a grandchild, doesn’t matter as long as they don’t have to do anything. I have been told that they are not going to. I am emotionally and physically spent my husband and I pay for everything Social Security doesn’t, it’s not like I would not take care of my mother. They’re not going to. I have five grandchildren locally and I’ve missed out on so many things. I am missing their life so honestly, and being with my husband. I have a reason to be angry. I am a Christian but I am a doormat to them. Nothing works to get some real help from them. Only God can change their hearts. I’m trying to keep Mom in her home as long as possible not only with dementia she’s also had a lot of anxiety and fear. It’s best for her and it’s best for me to keep her home as long as possible because I would be the one to sit in a chair with her 24 hours a day if she was in a nursing home that’s exactly what would happen. I do acts of kindness for them even though I’m very angry, and hurt. I pray for them. I want the best for them. That’s where my heart is. But I’m also very emotionally and physically tired. Cindy

does medical) pay for assisting living?

Your great, and your video was the best I've seen

Could someone address aging without children?

Hey Sofia, I am going through all of this right now and i really appreciate your words of advice. I'm exactly right there trying to figure out how to get them in-home health services through insurance first, then through the state, and then what is left that would need to be paid for. My dad has already voiced his thoughts about everyone "forcing" things on him. I'm definitely going to try the "I...." sentences instead of "you". I'm hoping that gets me one conversation closer to my goal! To get them the assistance they need/want that I can't provide since i don't live near them anymore.

Leads me to drinking . Father lost his vision . Feel guilty when I enjoy myself and know he’s depressed or bored .

What if one of your parents is not the veteran but needs assistance. What program can the spouse go through so they can get home health care?

I’ve had this since I was 9 years old. I’m almost 42 now and it has just gotten worse. It’s to a point where I cannot cope anymore. There is no eminent danger but any small health issue turns into ( they’re dying ) pets and mom mostly. Therapy is not helping. I’m at a loss and I no longer enjoy living at all

The difficulties that rest on the only child, especially the daughter of a narcissistic mother, brings another layer of complexity in embracing, mindful, impenetrable responses. Thank you for raising my awareness in preparing for a care giving journey. Especially the conversation about if this gets worse, this boundary setting, and selfcare. So inspiring. Thank you

Thank you, I’m starting to care for my 90 yr old Mom, I have no clue what I’m doing.

Sofia, you are so helpful in elder care. The information you provide is great guidance for learning how to navigate parent care. Thank you so much. You have helped me to remain calm and prepared.

Remember: if they have dementia, their “right to privacy and to make their own decisions” is no longer. They are incapacitated permanently and need to be responsibly cared for.

Great Advice. I wish I'd had these suggestions in my caregiving journey. Great job on your channel!❤

Please help if you can! My wife and I have been letting my 81 year old dad live with us for over 4 years now. We have never charged him 1c for rent or food or anything. For quite some time now my wife has been pleading with me to set up alternate living arrangements for him. He has had schizophrenia his entire life and basically NOBODY in my family has wanted to deal with him because of how his is. Anyway, my wife has finally had it and is packing up and leaving the house because she’s going to have a nervous breakdown living one more day under the same roof. He always says he’ll move out soon but never does and my wife knows he’s incapable of doing so. Every time I call the SSA I get stuck in their phone tree. I’m sick of the constant tension in the house and being accused of ineptitude for not taking action myself. Honestly, I’m ready to drop him off at the homeless shelter so my wife can have peace. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I’m just as stressed as my wife and I feel my life is about to fall apart.

I don't want to put my children through that.

Love this!